Getting Better

I am actually started to feel a little bit of normalcy, that is if I was normal to begin with. I have had a lot of people that have told me that they were thinking & praying for me and I really appreciate it. When having anxiety it really scares you because you think that the whole world is ending, which in the back of your mind you know that it's not going to and you know that you shouldn't worry, but with the mind racing it doesn't make it any better.
The toughest thing is getting started in the morning, I really just want to stay in bed or just stay home and watch the girls, but I know that isn't the best for me and my family. So, I just grab the reins & move forward, which really helps. I have been singing this song the past couple of days "This is the day the Lord has made"...I really don't know the rest just that phrase, but it puts in perspective that today is the day the Lord has made, so you need to make the best out of the day. I have been trying to stay positive and just keep being upbeat, this is very helpful because it forces me to look toward the positive things and not dwell on the things that I tend to worry about.
Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you;He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Psalms 55:22

For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.' Isaiah 41:13

God is Good...

Jess

More Pictures

Here are some more pictures from over the weekend. Enjoy:)

Grace and Tristan The Girls helping Uncle Grant blow out his candles

Happy Birthday Grant!!!

Before Sunrise Service

Grace showing off her new toy

The Girl's Easter Baskets

The Prize she won.

Go Grace... You are a Pro

Go Izabelle

Finally

I want to go!!!

Poor Izabelle couldn't stand the wait

Sweet Grace

Sisters

Smile Girls

Pictures with the Easter Bunny

God Is Good:)

Pictures Galore

Here are some of the photos I took over Spring Break. Enjoy

SmileThis is Fun

Weee!!!!

Paying

Waiting for the Carousel

One day after the rain

Daddy's Girls

My Favorite!

What I found one day?

God is Good...

Jess

Although I didn't really do much of what I wanted to do for the Easter celebrations. I knew Grace would be doing some of it at preschool, so I was glad to see her getting to experience some of the Easter season at preschool. I really like her preschool, they do such a great job in teaching the students the reason of the Holidays. On Monday, they had the Last Supper, which one of the teachers prepared a meal and explained what the last supper was. Grace came home and told me that Jesus washed the disciples feet before they ate. Then on Friday, they had an Easter Party and Grace brought home eggs and other Easter related artwork. Friday night we went to WalMart to pick dog food up and get groceries. On Saturday the girls and I got up and started to get ready for Baby Claire's baby shower. It was beautifully decorated, good food, and had a wonderful time catching up with everyone. The girls really enjoyed playing with the other childern there. Grace was even caught chasing after a little boy, trying to kiss him...Poor Lil Guy!!! I think this is the first time she has done this, and I am soo not ready for this.
After the Baby Shower we went and got Daddy to head to the Easter Egg Hunt. It was windy and cold, but my girls were ready to get their eggs. Izabelle surprised us by actually picking the eggs up and putting them in her basket. As for Grace she got about 5 eggs because their were soo many kids and they were all over the place, but Grace did get the prize egg. Of course we didn't know that until we were about to leave and I was checking to see what were in the eggs. So, we headed the prize table and collected our basket full of goodies. Then it was off to my parent's house. Matt and Grant went mushroom hunting, while I did some cleaning, and my parents played with the girls.
Sunday we woke up early to get ready for Sunrise Service. Matt woke Grace up and told her the Easter Bunny left her something in her basket. After the girls looked through their baskets we headed to church for Sunrise Service. This was the first year that I attended. After service we had breakfast and we went back home to get ready for the day's activities. Matt's parents had Easter Lunch for us all. The little girls didn't have such a good time...it seemed that one would cry the other would start or both were happy then mad. Must have been in the air, but I think they enjoyed their time. Grace ran from here to there and played with her new toys.
After Matt's parents it was off to my parent's house.
More Easter baskets filled with toys & candy. After settling down, the kids went out to find their Easter Eggs. It was fun watching them run around. Izabelle didn't really want to pick up eggs. She would pick one up, shake it and drop it back on the ground...Checking for candy, I guess:) The kids each got kites from my parents, so they went outside to fly them. I think it was the big boys that were having more fun then the little ones. Matt got Izabelle's caught in a tree. Grant got his stuck in the tree too. The kites were scaring the horses, they kept going from one end of the pasture to the other. Izabelle feel down and got muddy and wet, so she was mad when she had to come in. Ugh!!! But all in all it we had a Great Time on Easter Sunday.

God is Good...

Jess

Happy Birthday Little Brother

Happy Birthday to you! Happy 25th Birthday to you, Grant!!! I am so happy that you are able to have your birthday in the States this year and we are able to sing Happy Birthday to you (in person). I hope your birthday is Blessed with many happy memories. I love you!!!! You are such a great brother, friend, uncle, and we are loving every minute that we spend with you.

Jess

Thanks!!!

I am still here...in case you are wondering. We, well I guess I haven't had the greatest week in a half. I am still battling my anxiety, but I believe it is on the road outta here. If you have never had anxiety or panic attacks, I hope you never do. What I get is racing heart, sweating, heavy breathing and endless amounts of worrying in my mind. The way my body copes with this is lack of appetite, sleep, and my body was on the go.

Anyway, I started to feel better over the weekend, but come Saturday night I couldn't sleep a wink, so Sunday I was a zombie. We went out to my parent's house and they watched the girls so I could "try" to sleep. But no luck:( So, I figured that Sunday night I would just crash...Nope!!!! Monday I went ahead to work and well I didn't make it more than an hour when the tears started flowing from exhaustion. So, I went home to try to get some sleep. I did get about an hour nap in. We went to my in laws that night and Patty gave me some natural sleeping pills, in hopes of getting some sleep...Again No Sleep!!!! I would fall asleep for about an hour or 2, then wake up, then fall asleep again, then wake up. I was fustrated, emotional, heart racing, etc by Tuesday morning that I didn't know what to do. I really thought I was going CRAZY!!!! My body and mind would no let me relax...It was in Fight/Flight mode. With no sleep and with little food for days is not a good combination. I took the girls to Treva's on Tuesday and went to my in laws to get some rest (when I have anxiety I want to be around people), I slept for a little bit and just rested the rest of the day.
I called the Dr.'s office and they said for me to take my medicine in the morning because the side affect might be causing my insomnia, so I did that. I have now had 2 GOOD nights of rest. I am still having some anxiety in the mornings, but once I get going it seems to go away. I am really hoping that it is gone by this weekend. I really want to enjoy Easter.

I did want to say "Thanks" to everyone that helped me out and gave me verses to read, a kind word, prayers and just a shoulder to cry on. I especially want to say THANKS to Jake and Patty for supper on Monday. Patty thanks for letting me stay at your house all day on Tuesday, I really needed that. Thanks to Kaycee for just listening. Thanks to Greta for the call today. Thanks to Treva for the prayers and watching my girls. Thanks for my parents for watching the girls on Sunday and for Supper on Tuesday. I love you all!!!! A BIG Thanks goes out to Matt...He has been a wonderful, supportive, and my rock especially during my anxiety episodes. He knows what to say or not to say. He knows when to be funny and get me to smile. I love you:)

Until Next Time...

God Bless...

Jess

Coming to an End...Spring Break

Did ya miss me???? We are coming to an end of our Spring Break and we did absolutely nothing, but stay at home. Hopefully tomorrow we will be able to do something. Anyway, this week seems to have flown by. This week has really taught me a lesson about giving my worries/fears to the Lord. And what I mean by that is...Monday on the way to pick up the girls I had an anxiety attack. I have had them previously(I haven't had a BIG one in years) and some last a few seconds, minutes, but sometimes they last a couple of days to weeks. So, I figured that this would have been just a slight setback and Tuesday I would be fine...Nope, I was wrong. So, I have been battling my anxiety all week. Before I would let the worry really set in and it would take control...Not this time. I really believe that it is because I have grown closer to God over the past year or so and I am able to seek God through alot of prayer and speaking to some sisters in Christ (you know who I am talking about) have helped me put my fears/worries into perspective and helped me be able to give them to the Lord. Today I came to realize that I shouldn't fear/worry because God knows what he is doing. I was reading something our pastor gave me and it gave an example of a toddler going into a pool, first it is up to their knees, then to their chest, and still not fearing, then suddenly they slip, but their parent is right there to catch them. They didn't have to worry/fear because they knew that their parent was going to be there for them they have faith. I should have faith...God is ALWAYS and FOREVER be there for me. So, I should not worry or be scared because God has my life planned out for me. God is faithful...even when I feel alone or scared he is still there with me. God is in control.

Grace said something last night that really caught my attention. We were leaving Joe & Leah's before the storm hit. We didn't make it home before the rain, thunder and lightening. Grace looked at Izabelle and said "Don't be afraid God is with us"..."He is always with us". In the most sweetest and warming way. Grace didn't realize this, but her mommy needed that alittle more than her little sister. But how awesome is that a 5 year knows this and is able just to accept that in her little heart...Faith:)
I am not about to let this anxiety control me and my life...God is bigger and powerful. So, I will still continue to Praise God and I will continue to grow by God's word.

Our Spring Break wasn't a total letdown by any means. The girls had fun, they spent time with their Memaw and cousin B, mommy learned a lesson, and we still have this weekend before school/work starts again to have a little more fun.

Until Next Time...

God Bless...

Jess